The Leap into the Unknown

4 minute read

I once wrote about renunciation and silence in "Let Silence Speak Too". In the meantime, I have somehow respected what I intended to do. My articles became increasingly rare because words are pleasing, but practice is seldom followed.

Some time ago, I made a decision that would completely change the course of destiny, both mine and that of the people around me. It happened because I looked at my life and the life of the person I loved and saw that the path was not leading towards good. Above all, I did not want the future to bring more suffering, whether through my will or against it.

In time, I realised that most of our choices are not truly made by us. We are influenced by the environment and society in which we live, and by other people's choices, thoughts and actions.

A few years later, I should have made the same decision again, this time because the sign was clear that I was not bringing fulfilment into another person's life. The reasons appeared far more "human", and I did not want to surrender the dream I held then. Perhaps age had something to do with it. I continued to hope that the situation was temporary. Yet what I hoped was only a false vision of my existence became increasingly heavy upon my soul.

It was difficult... and it remains difficult because love was never superficial for me. I never saw any person through whom I experienced love as replaceable, because every one of us is unique, with good and bad within us. Despite the usual problems and troubles, when I looked towards the future of my life, I did not see suffering in continuing to live that love.

I would have continued the dream if both of us had wanted it, but with time it became an illusory dream, one that I felt I was forcing to remain inside my mind.

When you feel that the love you experience is beginning to escape the patterns of human reality, you understand that you must break away. You do not want to become a saint, but neither do you want to renounce Divine Love, which you once experienced so easily through the person you loved.

Renunciation therefore becomes increasingly necessary once more, and with it... the leap into the unknown.

The greatest teachers in my life were the women I loved.

Through them, love taught me how to move beyond thought and keep love alive in my heart even when everything seemed destined to make me forget it because nothing remained favourable. Sometimes I endured the trials. At other times, I failed miserably. Through those failures, I understood what it means to be human rather than a saint. If everything had been perfect and had followed my will, none of it would have belonged to life, but to a dream... an illusion.

I came to understand free will. You can exercise control over your own life through your thoughts, but not by manipulating others, because they too are free to choose their path.

Of course, you may suffer greatly, but at least other people will not suffer more in the future because of your actions, or their own. I always found my way back because I once "saw" the reflection of absolute and infinite love within human love.

For this reason, I did not lose love from my heart, regardless of the obstacles or the suffering caused by experiencing it through a human reflection. For some people, God takes human form through the examples or symbols existence has given us. For me, God was the love I experienced towards the people I love. I always tried to widen the circle towards which I directed that love, beyond relatives, friends or a beloved, and even towards those I did not like.

From a certain moment, I was rewarded with a continuous experience of love towards everything that exists. In fact, all of us always carry this experience within ourselves, but we are not conscious of it. At least, that is what I understood from the experiences I often had in moments of meditation and silence.

Society and so-called religious people made us ill with prejudices and ready-made examples, without our experiencing love for ourselves. Divine Love is pushed into the soul through supernatural experiences that nobody else can access, and for that reason it is difficult to believe that Divine Love is reflected in the love already present, at different levels, in all our lives.

According to certain sources, Divine Love is accessible only to saints, although the sacred writings of different peoples clearly say: "God is LOVE!" Yet everyone experiences love, even in the most humble or lowly form we can imagine.

A human being can learn far more from "sin" than from holiness, but only when conscious of the lived experience and existence of love, when seeing the divine within love instead of treating it as something without value.

For everyone who loves and surrenders to the lived experience of love at any level, I have one message:

Be sinners... but full of love!

First published in Romanian on 26 June 2012. This English translation preserves the perspective of that period.

Original Romanian article: Saltul în necunoscut.