Why Do I Love?

3 minute read

I look at myself and ask why I continue to love when I possess every reason to renounce what I feel. Above all, why do I reveal what I feel here?

It is like explaining to an enemy how to defeat you, allowing them to see your weakness and exploit what they consider the gateway to your final and complete destruction.

Love is not respected within our world. Material wellbeing, together with professional success, is respected. It is considered a great achievement, while people forget that without help from above, no one could accomplish anything.

This is also why people suffer. Although most are outwardly successful, they remain dissatisfied and unbalanced. They feel the same emptiness in the soul as those struggling in poverty.

I agree that we should desire and fight for material wellbeing, but not before respecting and giving ourselves to an ideal that fulfils the soul and makes it happy. In this way, we will never again feel that emptiness in the soul, and whatever we achieve will also be given to those around us whom we love.

Like everyone else, I once said that something must be wrong with me. Yet with every passing day, I understand that I can neither resist nor renounce what I feel, even if it means my end as a human being upon this earth.

What I feel stands above my humble existence. If it cannot find fulfilment in existence with the person who lifted this veil within me, then this is simply my life. Yet this does not mean I will surrender.

I have fallen so many times. I have even reached despair. Had I not perceived the divinity and greatness of the lived experience of love, the god within its existence, I would have declined in every possible way.

It is said that God never tests a person beyond what they can endure. This must mean that I can endure far too much, because the testing does not stop. Who knows how long it will continue?

What prevents me from falling and renouncing everything is a voice that does not belong to me, although it comes from within:

Only love and pray. Nothing else can be done. What more could you desire than to experience love, even when you suffer?

But I too am human. I think and act as a human being. I know only that what I feel has been given to me, and that I wish to give others something of what I feel.

I hope that, in the end, I pass safely through every trial and do not fall before the message reaches at least the few people who may wish to give themselves to the lived experience of love about which I continually speak.

I have one message for everything I have said, and for anyone with "ears to hear":

I would like to shout with all the strength of my lungs about what I feel in relation to the lived experience within my heart, even though it found no echo in the heart that I feel shelters my kindred soul.

Yet only silence can still speak without causing suffering within thought. Our hearts and souls do not need words in any case. Lived experience is the air our souls need in order to be happy.

Perhaps one day thought too will bow and admit that whatever makes our souls happy stands above its transient existence.

With God before us!

First published in Romanian on 14 July 2010. This English translation preserves the perspective of that period.

Original Romanian article: De ce iubesc?.