Without You… but for You

2 minute read

Only my soul knows what it means to be without you. After so much time and struggle, it discovered that it does not wish to exist without you. It would prefer anything else, because even death appears easier than not being beside you.

The hardships and blows delivered by destiny did not make it fall, but strengthened it still further, although they left deep marks upon its existence.

It would endure anything simply to remain near you, to soothe your pain when it appears, to make your life easier if it could, and to give you one drop of love's immortality if you allowed it.

Many times it wept and suffered in solitude. Yet knowing that you still existed upon this earth, even at a distance, allowed your existence to soothe its longing for you and gave it one drop of happiness within unhappiness.

Many times, it wished to vanish into the void as though it had never been born, so that the earth would never know it had left a mark upon the existence of time.

Without you, it felt drained of life and, above all, could no longer see any reason for its existence. It felt that its existence could only be for you, giving all its energy to your happiness. If it could not do this, it would have been better never to have been born.

It beat its fists upon the doors of divinity and cried out with the howl of its existence. It begged for death if existence and destiny would not allow it to give you the tremors of happiness found in the lived experience of divine love.

It would resume the struggle at any moment, from wherever destiny forced it to its knees for the countless time, simply so that it could give its existence to your happiness.

The hope that "God is Love" made it struggle and remain patient even when nothing more could be done, even when it was treated as though it did not exist.

Only continuous prayer licked the wounds opened by your absence from the breast of its existence. Where most would have fallen, prayer raised it far above its existence. Where others would have seen decline, it saw greatness.

Everything is permitted by God, but not everything should be done without God.

And so my soul still lives, and will continue to live, without you... but for you.

First published in Romanian on 30 October 2010. This English translation preserves the perspective of that period.

Original Romanian article: Fără tine... dar pentru tine.